Beyond the dream…

19 02 2010

Today, for pretty much the first time since I’ve really started to drive myself forwards on this “road to Japan”, I took a step back. Well, technically it would be more of a metaphorical ‘step to the side’ if the road to Japan was one long straight one…but I’m going to stick with a step back because goodness knows this road will never be direct, but rather winding and all over the place, one with forks and so forth that will tempt me to get lost along the way. And to me this road is not just for the lead up to exchange (if I succeed), but rather the entire exchange experience itself is all apart of the same road because there will be challenges that I will face as a direct effect of the exchange program in Perth, as well as the many expected and unexpected challenges I will no doubt have to face if I do end up going to Japan. And to me the greatest challenge or decision I think I would find on this road is the decision for which path to take if everything doesn’t go to plan, and if I get rejected from exchange. I know it sounds all a little pesimistic and possibly unlikely to some people, but none the less it probably is something I should consider…

Unrelate

unrelated - completely...

And in all honesty, at this point of thought I got stuck. What would I do if I don’t succeed? Would it really take that much out of me knowing the effort I would have put in with structuring my units around going on exchange? Putting extra effort into my Japanese, taking on extra responsibility with being a peer leader amongst other things I’ve done in the belief it will help me when on my way to exchange will no doubt influence my reaction to the all ending rejection from the exchange program. Though there is not a chance that the things I do in preperation for exchange with the expectation of going will have gone to waste. But when motivation is lost I see things becoming a little more difficult. Would I really be mentally prepared to take on another semester as if things weren’t as I had dreamed them to be? Though a selfish thought I know, I can’t help but ponder further about dropping out, deferring, finding a full time job and moving out perhaps, as I will likely try search for another angle to attack from and persevere once more to try get back to where I want to be. This may either say not a lot for my commitment, or speak loudly for the sort of expectations I have in exchange, not even for the experience it will grant, but more so a ticket out of life here, something to completely break the circle and clear a new horizon to drift towards.

Its a little testing I think to try think about where I may end up in the next to years, when my next 6 months more so than any other year has the probability of many twists and turns. But none the less, rejection from exchange will never be failure to succeed in persueing the dream, only but a small test of my persistence.

“The determination to win is the best part of winning.” – Daisaku Ikeda.

I will end this here, its probably a little negative and not something I should dwell on too much. Either way, the dream lives on into tomorrow and beyond…明日へ!

じゃ、ピース!Peace.

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